Have I made the wrong choices again? The world seems to tumble down... Maybe there's nothing wrong within me. This is just me.
I need to dance
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
“I believe that the dancer belongs to his time and place and that he can only express that which passes through or close to his experience.” – Doris Humphrey
Today I spent FIVE hours on anatomy. I had two hours of lecture review, one hour studying the lecture material, and then two hours spent on memorizing the terms for axial skeleton. I would say I've never spend so many hours on one class. This will definitely be the class I study the hardest in my entire college career... well maybe except dance... And it's really sad that I didn't get to dance much this week. I spent more time on anatomy than dance. I want to dance so freaking bad... =(
Team... kind of suck... But this is just the second day of learning the routine. I should give myself and everyone more time. I'm just like a mirror. I reflect my partner's skill level... somehow... If my parnter knows what he's supposed to do, I can do it right, and vice versa. Everytime when I try to be a little more independent, I fail miserably, especially in competitions.
Ballet... I don't know how to describe my feeling towards it. I love ballet, and I think my love for ballet comes right after my passion for ballroom. Yet, I felt like I went back to my days of D180. I COULDN'T hear the music. It's just a bunch of sound to me. I couldn't understand it, and of course couldn't dance to it. I didn't know how to pick this up. My teacher made it sound like really easy and should come naturally, but that's not the case for me. Oh my gosh!!!! What should I do? I'm just frustrated. I thought my musicality has improved quite a lot, but I guess ballroom music is different from classical ballet music. Help... o(>3<)o
Today I spent FIVE hours on anatomy. I had two hours of lecture review, one hour studying the lecture material, and then two hours spent on memorizing the terms for axial skeleton. I would say I've never spend so many hours on one class. This will definitely be the class I study the hardest in my entire college career... well maybe except dance... And it's really sad that I didn't get to dance much this week. I spent more time on anatomy than dance. I want to dance so freaking bad... =(
Team... kind of suck... But this is just the second day of learning the routine. I should give myself and everyone more time. I'm just like a mirror. I reflect my partner's skill level... somehow... If my parnter knows what he's supposed to do, I can do it right, and vice versa. Everytime when I try to be a little more independent, I fail miserably, especially in competitions.
Ballet... I don't know how to describe my feeling towards it. I love ballet, and I think my love for ballet comes right after my passion for ballroom. Yet, I felt like I went back to my days of D180. I COULDN'T hear the music. It's just a bunch of sound to me. I couldn't understand it, and of course couldn't dance to it. I didn't know how to pick this up. My teacher made it sound like really easy and should come naturally, but that's not the case for me. Oh my gosh!!!! What should I do? I'm just frustrated. I thought my musicality has improved quite a lot, but I guess ballroom music is different from classical ballet music. Help... o(>3<)o
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I wasn't going to come back to blog a new post till the weekend, but a song that I heard on Pandora just got me so much. We started our VW routine in team this morning, and my partner is Michael. I don't necessarily dislike him, but I would never want him to be my partner. But why did I end up with him? because no one single guy wants to dance with me! There are a few guys know I'm not bad at standard or smooth, but they would ask other girls to dance. Maybe they know other girls better... Guys! Guys! Guys! I just don't understand them. No! not at all... It really frustrates me, not just this time. But guys in general and at most times... I know not every single guy will like me, but am I really that not likable? None of the guys I've liked like me back... Seriously!? I know 2 guys are not a huge number, and I should generalize to the whole male population. But for some reasons, I feel like there's always a line between me and the guys. They like me and respect me, but they just want to be friends. They don't want and don't care to cross that line. Is it because I'm not an interesting person? Because all I know and can talk about is dance and psychology? because I'm just pretty but not attractive enough? No I don't understand what I lack, nor how the guys' brain work. This probably wouldn't bother me that much if I am not at BYU I guess. Sometimes my church leaders bother me about not going to single wards and let dance and school take up most of my times. I don't usually care about that, but today I thought about that guy a lot, especially after listening to What Hurts the Most on Pandora. Dumb girl...
Let's forget about all those unpredictable human beings. I am partnering with Travis for open ballroom now. We are getting choreographies from Michael Johnson, and then we're going to clean up our routines with BYU teacher (don't know who yet). Why? Because I can't pay for Michael. He charged $60 for each hour. I'm quite excited to start some hardcore practices again.
I actually am quite pleased that I decided to try to double major in dance. No matter what the outcome is, this decision helps me to make some healthy lifestyle changes. Now I'm trying to make sure I get at least 7-8 hours of sleep everyday. Anatomy helps me to really learn to study and prepare for my class. It teaches me everything is possible if you put in the effort. Well we'll see actually... maybe I'll take this back after I failed my first lab quiz after spending 10 hours studying for it. But so far so good I hope. The dance major gives a new meaning in my life, and I need that so bad right now. Maybe it's my turn to stand back up and fight again =) Life will be good!
Let's forget about all those unpredictable human beings. I am partnering with Travis for open ballroom now. We are getting choreographies from Michael Johnson, and then we're going to clean up our routines with BYU teacher (don't know who yet). Why? Because I can't pay for Michael. He charged $60 for each hour. I'm quite excited to start some hardcore practices again.
I actually am quite pleased that I decided to try to double major in dance. No matter what the outcome is, this decision helps me to make some healthy lifestyle changes. Now I'm trying to make sure I get at least 7-8 hours of sleep everyday. Anatomy helps me to really learn to study and prepare for my class. It teaches me everything is possible if you put in the effort. Well we'll see actually... maybe I'll take this back after I failed my first lab quiz after spending 10 hours studying for it. But so far so good I hope. The dance major gives a new meaning in my life, and I need that so bad right now. Maybe it's my turn to stand back up and fight again =) Life will be good!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Bumbling!?
I feel like this blog belongs to one of those high school girls who fill with all kinds of emotional drama, but oh well if I can't be myself here, I can't go anywhere. And basically this is what this blog is for...besides letting my HK friends know what happened in my life.
You know sometimes people ask question about what you would like to change about yourself. Your answer can actually tell something about you, if you actually answer it instead of making up answers. I would totally want to change this small little part of my personality. I dislike myself because of my moodiness, the rapid cycling emotions, or whatever you want to call that. I freak out and get upset way too easily. So... dear Ruth, stop that because no one likes to see that. Well going back to what made me say things like that... Remember I said I wanted to double major in dance, and then I got some type of mixed responses. Some people like it, but some other people tried to help me stay practical and telling me that BYU doesn't like double majors. My very first reaction was wanting to tell them to back off and don't crush my dream. Somehow I know there's this possibility, but I thought efforts can overcome everything. Somehow I feel like my life is filled with bad decisions or bad timings. If I didn't come studying in UT, but stayed in HK and be an ordinary student instead... If I did come to US but didn't start ballroom... Basically I would lose all my friends in US and all the colors in my life, but at least there would be no joy to deepen the pain. What if I started dance earlier? Or what if I said I wanted to major in dance earlier? Then I wouldn't have over 90 credits and could actually switch my major, if they didn't let me double it. What if the past could be rewritten, would I still make all the choices that I made? But the past can't be changed...
Back to reality... I think I'm still going to take most of the dance major requirements even though they won't let me major in dance. I want to learn them, and if I want to eventually go into dance movement therapy, I will have to know those anyways. But am I still going to try auditioning? Yes... That night I climbed to the mountain top and saw the wonderful and breath-taking secenery, and now I don't want to come down again. If dance is the only thing that can make me happy, I am not going to let it go. Now it seems movements and words are the only ways I can express. I think I lost my ability to verbalize myself in most situations, especially in front of my significant others. Weird... and it has other sad stories behind...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
"When one door closed, it remains closed."
如果眼淚可以有流盡的一天，我想知道何時才是極限。
Sometimes I really want to just try once, without worrying about the consequence. Can I just bet everything on something I can't live without?
Starting to read my first anatomy chapter... In the book, it said, "Learning anatomy is, in many ways, like learning a new language." I can't agree with that any more. It's as overwhelming as learning a new language.
You know sometimes people ask question about what you would like to change about yourself. Your answer can actually tell something about you, if you actually answer it instead of making up answers. I would totally want to change this small little part of my personality. I dislike myself because of my moodiness, the rapid cycling emotions, or whatever you want to call that. I freak out and get upset way too easily. So... dear Ruth, stop that because no one likes to see that. Well going back to what made me say things like that... Remember I said I wanted to double major in dance, and then I got some type of mixed responses. Some people like it, but some other people tried to help me stay practical and telling me that BYU doesn't like double majors. My very first reaction was wanting to tell them to back off and don't crush my dream. Somehow I know there's this possibility, but I thought efforts can overcome everything. Somehow I feel like my life is filled with bad decisions or bad timings. If I didn't come studying in UT, but stayed in HK and be an ordinary student instead... If I did come to US but didn't start ballroom... Basically I would lose all my friends in US and all the colors in my life, but at least there would be no joy to deepen the pain. What if I started dance earlier? Or what if I said I wanted to major in dance earlier? Then I wouldn't have over 90 credits and could actually switch my major, if they didn't let me double it. What if the past could be rewritten, would I still make all the choices that I made? But the past can't be changed...
Back to reality... I think I'm still going to take most of the dance major requirements even though they won't let me major in dance. I want to learn them, and if I want to eventually go into dance movement therapy, I will have to know those anyways. But am I still going to try auditioning? Yes... That night I climbed to the mountain top and saw the wonderful and breath-taking secenery, and now I don't want to come down again. If dance is the only thing that can make me happy, I am not going to let it go. Now it seems movements and words are the only ways I can express. I think I lost my ability to verbalize myself in most situations, especially in front of my significant others. Weird... and it has other sad stories behind...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
"When one door closed, it remains closed."
如果眼淚可以有流盡的一天，我想知道何時才是極限。
Sometimes I really want to just try once, without worrying about the consequence. Can I just bet everything on something I can't live without?
Starting to read my first anatomy chapter... In the book, it said, "Learning anatomy is, in many ways, like learning a new language." I can't agree with that any more. It's as overwhelming as learning a new language.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Double major in DANCE!? Heck YES!!
It's official!!! I want to double major in dance, which means I am taking anatomy and ballet this spring... =0= My new graduation date is April 2014. I'm super excited and happy because one of my inner conflicts is now resolved. I don't need to worry about how to balance psychology and dance. For the time being, I really don't want to put away dance and just focus on psychology. After graduation, will I go back to graduate school? Maybe... who knows? But I probably want to try to be a professional dance teacher/performer first. This is a huge turning point in my life, and I hope this is a good one. =)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
4.5 hours at USH... That's my longest record of volunteering hours. We dyed boiled eggs, made easter folder type thingy, and had bingo. I did my first bingo today. I organized and called the whole thing, but some people stood up and walked out in the middle of the game. I hope I didn't do anything offensive to them. Maybe I read the numbers too fast. I drip-dyed two easter eggs, and they turned out pretty cool. I wish I could keep them. Oh well those patients probably will enjoy seeing them tomorrow. When I was helping around, I bumped my knees several times, and they hurted kind of bad because I bruised them already on the day of Cha Cha video. Even though it's like two and a half weeks ago, it still hurts a ton when I bump a certain part my knees into something. I guess I hurted some of the tissues deep down inside.
Two more days till Spring term starts... Time to get back to dance and school! I still haven't found a partner yet, and I am not doing any ballroom technique classes in spring. I hope this won't make it extra hard to find a partner.
Two more days till Spring term starts... Time to get back to dance and school! I still haven't found a partner yet, and I am not doing any ballroom technique classes in spring. I hope this won't make it extra hard to find a partner.
Soul Surfer was such a good movie. A simple yet powerful story... I knew the whole storyline before I even walked into the theater, and I knew I would cry after I watched the tailor. I basically starting crying half way through the movie. My face was wet, dried, and then wetted again. The story of this young surfer touched my heart. I guess I can kind of relate to her story. I know the pain of not being able to do the thing that one's passionate about. I know the confusion of not knowing why things happened the way they did. I know the desperate feeling of not being able to things because of one's limitations. I was so glad that that girl stood back up again when her world and dream was shattered by that stupid shark. Sometime it's just part of the plan. It will eventually build us up and make us stronger than ever. When can we get over this? I don't know, but I know the day will come... sooner or later... I admire her strength, and I wish I could do that.
"I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet."
I got a super sparklely necklace for my open competition costume. Oh and I bought a few more pairs of really really cute earrings... I need to find some rooms for them on my rack. Ha! I have way way too many earrings (41 paris in total, I just counted them), and I don't actually wear jewels a lot because of dance practice. Weird girl... Now, all I left to do is stone my gloves, and then I'll be so ready to start my new costume to compete. Hopefully I will do it before spring term starts again. Now my to-do list left with research proposal, data extraction, stoning, and helping with the USH party. I just don't really want to do research right now. Somehow I feel really burnt out, and I don't really want to do school any more... But life must move on, right? Do I have a choice?
"I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet."
I got a super sparklely necklace for my open competition costume. Oh and I bought a few more pairs of really really cute earrings... I need to find some rooms for them on my rack. Ha! I have way way too many earrings (41 paris in total, I just counted them), and I don't actually wear jewels a lot because of dance practice. Weird girl... Now, all I left to do is stone my gloves, and then I'll be so ready to start my new costume to compete. Hopefully I will do it before spring term starts again. Now my to-do list left with research proposal, data extraction, stoning, and helping with the USH party. I just don't really want to do research right now. Somehow I feel really burnt out, and I don't really want to do school any more... But life must move on, right? Do I have a choice?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Pancake breakfast at Sheri's house, and then she asked me to give her a ride back home after she dropped off her car at the tire place. I thought I was just going to stay a little longer, but I ended up staying for the whole day. lol We walked to Cherry lane Keepsafes or something named like that. It's such a pretty store, and they're having a warehouse sale soon!! I missed walking too. I didn't really need to walk after I got a car. After that, she discovered that I was going to bake cookies for my friends so she told me to bake at her house. I would love to do that because I suck at everything that a "good" Mormon girl supposes to know (i.e., homemaking). Owen came over again when he knew we're making cookies. So it ended up Owen and I were baking cookies while Sheri was trying to finish her last online final. Moral of the story is never put guys and girls who can't bake together and have them baked. :P After a while, we finally discovered why our cookie dough didn't look like cookies when they came out from the oven. It's because our oven wasn't pre-heated enough. Smart people!! Peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies!! Yummy!! The rest turned out pretty good. And then we met Sheri's mom... And and then we went to Zupas and had dinner... And and and then we went back to Sheri's house and watched Tangled!! It was so much fun. After the movie, we helped Sheri pack and move. I'm so glad that Sheri is staying at that house for next fall. That house is so cute and fits her so well. I don't think there will be another house that can show her artisitic ability more than this house. I ended the day with getting Sarah's cookies to James. The end.
Tomorrow I'm watching Soul Surfer with Katie! In Soul Surfer, Carrie Underwood is starring a young church leader named SARAH HILL! It looks like this's will be an uplifting movie. And somehow we'll hang out and go shop for my necklace for open competition. Am I excited? Heck YES!!!!
Then I'm helping with a party on Saturday afternoon for the USH inpatient. Probably another afternoon is gone. Sometimes I feel like I should save some alone time for myself. Too many things are going on in my life.
Tomorrow I'm watching Soul Surfer with Katie! In Soul Surfer, Carrie Underwood is starring a young church leader named SARAH HILL! It looks like this's will be an uplifting movie. And somehow we'll hang out and go shop for my necklace for open competition. Am I excited? Heck YES!!!!
Then I'm helping with a party on Saturday afternoon for the USH inpatient. Probably another afternoon is gone. Sometimes I feel like I should save some alone time for myself. Too many things are going on in my life.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I Will Get There - Boyz II Men
Ohohah
Hey
Yeah
I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
[Get there] And I'll get through this
[Get there] I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer
(I will get there) I will get there
(I will get there) I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night (Oh, yes, I will)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I'll stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall
[Get there] I will do this
[Get there] No matter what it takes
'Cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination, I will get there
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there (Ooh) somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
(Ooh, get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
Well, the night is cold and dark
But somewhere the sun is shining
And I'll feel it shine on me
I'll keep on tryin', I'll keep on tryin'
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
Get there, get there
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross that river for you)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (OhwhoaI)
I will get through (Through) the night
And make it through to the other side (Ohhoohho)
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there (Whoaoh)
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross it for your love)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (No matter what)
I will get through the night (I will get through the night)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there
Get there
Ohhooh
I'll get there
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Reflection - Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that i’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
Ohohah
Hey
Yeah
I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
[Get there] And I'll get through this
[Get there] I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer
(I will get there) I will get there
(I will get there) I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night (Oh, yes, I will)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I'll stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall
[Get there] I will do this
[Get there] No matter what it takes
'Cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination, I will get there
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there (Ooh) somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
(Ooh, get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
Well, the night is cold and dark
But somewhere the sun is shining
And I'll feel it shine on me
I'll keep on tryin', I'll keep on tryin'
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
Get there, get there
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross that river for you)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (OhwhoaI)
I will get through (Through) the night
And make it through to the other side (Ohhoohho)
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there (Whoaoh)
I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross it for your love)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (No matter what)
I will get through the night (I will get through the night)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there
Get there
Ohhooh
I'll get there
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Reflection - Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that i’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Last final tomorrow!!! I'm so excited! I will be so glad to be done with child psychopathology. Not saying I don't like kids, but I will be able to handle them. On the contrary, I took my clinical psychology final this afternoon. It was so fun. I loved that class so much. I like how I could say whatever I wanted as long as I had some rationales to support me. There was one essay question that asked us to create a treatment plan according to the integrative therapy. LOVE that question to death!!! So fun to write about that one. =)
Going over to Sheri's house on Thursday morning for pancake breakfast... Yummy...
It's interesting to see all these different communication style within all the ballroom couples. When I was dancing in Hong Kong, I saw one couple who didn't talk to each other at all during practice. Well at least those times that I was looking at them. That's why I loved their Tango, but not so much about their Waltz. Katie and Scott are another fun couple to look at as well. Both of them are sarcastic, yet they know not to take each other seriously. Hold on... maybe I shouldn't say they are sarcastic. Sometimes they're just lighthearted and know how to look at things in a different way. I have partnered with 6-7 guys so far for open, class, and for team. There are guys that I know I don't even want to be friends with them. For some, I know I can't be their partners for too long because I might end up killing them. I can be friends with them, but I can't stand their practice styles. There are a couple guys I really enjoy dancing with. Sadly I'm no longer partnering with them any more. We were such good friends and partners. :( I just practiced with Travis for my Gold II Ballroom final tomorrow. We are quite opinioned I would say. If we're actually going to do open together, either I have to shut up and do everything he tells me to, or I have to fight really hard to get him listen to me. For the things he told me to fix, he got a point in them. Maybe I would be the one who shut up... Actually that might be easier if we are actually going to dance together.
Going over to Sheri's house on Thursday morning for pancake breakfast... Yummy...
It's interesting to see all these different communication style within all the ballroom couples. When I was dancing in Hong Kong, I saw one couple who didn't talk to each other at all during practice. Well at least those times that I was looking at them. That's why I loved their Tango, but not so much about their Waltz. Katie and Scott are another fun couple to look at as well. Both of them are sarcastic, yet they know not to take each other seriously. Hold on... maybe I shouldn't say they are sarcastic. Sometimes they're just lighthearted and know how to look at things in a different way. I have partnered with 6-7 guys so far for open, class, and for team. There are guys that I know I don't even want to be friends with them. For some, I know I can't be their partners for too long because I might end up killing them. I can be friends with them, but I can't stand their practice styles. There are a couple guys I really enjoy dancing with. Sadly I'm no longer partnering with them any more. We were such good friends and partners. :( I just practiced with Travis for my Gold II Ballroom final tomorrow. We are quite opinioned I would say. If we're actually going to do open together, either I have to shut up and do everything he tells me to, or I have to fight really hard to get him listen to me. For the things he told me to fix, he got a point in them. Maybe I would be the one who shut up... Actually that might be easier if we are actually going to dance together.
The Dimming Hope
This is the modern dance sequence I choreographed for my Honrs 261 class project. An extract of the paper I wrote that go alone with this sequence:
"My choreography is about the journey of a girl with depression searching and reaching for hope. At the beginning of her journey, she was trying to break away from the darkness and reach for help, with not much success unfortunately. Thus, the first minute of the choreography included a lot of reaching and contracting movements and some collapses, which symbolized her search and failure. In order to tie in the theme of reaching for hope, hands were the focus of this part of the choreography. In the second half of the choreography, she was more active in fighting her battle and reaching for hope. The movements had more variety, such as kick and gallop. Also, I included some staccato movements to represent her change in attitude. I ended this piece of choreography with a reach to the sky. This ending pose emphasized the girl’s struggle to find hope in her journey. Yet the end of this choreography did not mean the end of her struggle. This ambiguous ending pose did not make clear whether she found hope or not. I purposefully did that because not every single person responds to his or her treatment. I would like to leave the outcome of this quest for hope to the imagination of my audience."
James spent a hour to videotape me just so I could choose the best one, and then he edited this for me. Thanks so much, James!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Bumbling...
What on earth did I do wrong? Why things are the way they are? I'm so tired and sick of all of these things, which I don't even know what they are. It's late at night, and I'm exhausted, both physically and psychologically. I have no clue what I am talking about. Tomorrow is the concert. Things seems to go pretty well, yet at the same time, I'm just frustrated with myself, everyone, and everything for no apparent reasons. Maybe all I need to do is go to bed, and stop thinking and feeling... Everything seems so distant and blurry. The world started spinning, and I feel like I can't stay on my feet any more. I just want to crawl back into my world and sit there alone. It doesn't seem like it will get better. When will the world hear my cry and my plead?
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