It's been over seven months now since I started working here. Funny how much things has changed. Or I should say how much I have changed. I'm not sure if it's a good change or bad change. A lot of my values have been challenged. Some of them I convince myself I'm believing in the right thing. At the same time, I saw how different my values/beliefs are with my friends'.
We are having two teachers in training now. One day, the guy asked me if I'm happy. Somehow we got interrupted before I could answer it. I didn't mind because I know if I tell the truth, it's not going to be a pretty answer. It feels like the storm is starting again. I identify with Elsa a lot. I don't know how to control this storm inside. To the question, I can only say I try to stay positive, but I don't (want to) feel. I thought it was a curse. Maybe it is. Or maybe if I look at it another way, I could change something. Maybe it's just I'm capable of feelings, but I don't see how this power will help make the world better. These feelings are not colorful. It's grey most of the times. At least I could say I've been to the dark side. Anyway, this time at least I'm not alone. I really like the movie Frozen. I don't believe in fairy tales, but the happy endings give me hope. Anna and Elsa are like the two sides of me. When they sing the reprise of For the First Time in Forever, it's like the two sides of me are talking. (Yes it does sound crazy!) The least I can do this time is don't shut myself out. If I can't love myself, how am I capable to love anyone? I promise myself I'll always be here and walk this journey hand in hand.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, January 31, 2014
I was watching a TED talk this morning about depression and desire. The speaker talked about getting to know people by asking what they want, what makes them feel alive, what is their dream, etc., instead of asking where they are from. I think this is a really good idea. These questions can really open people's mouths. I was talking to Ed today about his experience of following his inspirations and how that changed others' life. It was very interesting.
Recently, I started watching a show called "What Not to Wear". Two days ago, Tiago and Alexey gave me the talk about how now I should really push myself more and make a result because the upper management is starting to expect something from me. They even said they would help me to do a make-over. I really appreciated that. I just hope they will remember their promise and make some time for me. They are busy men.
I also pushed myself to be more presented on the dance floor for the last two days. It's not easy. This whole thing actually is really out of my comfort zone. I guess I never feel absolute confident in myself. At times I know I am not doing a bad job, but I guess I seldom actually be consistently proud of myself. I would be proud of my efforts or results, but people I care either didn't see it or they thought it's not enough. A pat on the back which I think a deserve didn't come the way I wished it would be. And then I just got upset and not happy about myself. Maybe I should stop looking for approval from outside. This will definitely make myself more stable. For example, yesterday I was trying to learn how to be a better social dance teacher. I practiced salsa and talked to my coworkers about how they bond with their students. I was on the floor in the morning and first couple afternoon lessons in the afternoon, talking and giving tips to people. Right before my intro, Tiago walked into the staff room and asked me why I was not outside. Definitely not the kind of pat on the back that I wanted.
Recently, I started watching a show called "What Not to Wear". Two days ago, Tiago and Alexey gave me the talk about how now I should really push myself more and make a result because the upper management is starting to expect something from me. They even said they would help me to do a make-over. I really appreciated that. I just hope they will remember their promise and make some time for me. They are busy men.
I also pushed myself to be more presented on the dance floor for the last two days. It's not easy. This whole thing actually is really out of my comfort zone. I guess I never feel absolute confident in myself. At times I know I am not doing a bad job, but I guess I seldom actually be consistently proud of myself. I would be proud of my efforts or results, but people I care either didn't see it or they thought it's not enough. A pat on the back which I think a deserve didn't come the way I wished it would be. And then I just got upset and not happy about myself. Maybe I should stop looking for approval from outside. This will definitely make myself more stable. For example, yesterday I was trying to learn how to be a better social dance teacher. I practiced salsa and talked to my coworkers about how they bond with their students. I was on the floor in the morning and first couple afternoon lessons in the afternoon, talking and giving tips to people. Right before my intro, Tiago walked into the staff room and asked me why I was not outside. Definitely not the kind of pat on the back that I wanted.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 Review
I have to start by saying I find it funny that I haven't written anything here since the beginning of 2012. It had been almost 2 years, but for the last 2 years, there were a lot of moments I told myself I should put them down here. Oh well... If I want to remember them, I will somehow still remember them.
To me, 2013 is the year of change. I graduate from college (finally!!) and moved into the adulthood. First time ever in my life for not having any school. It felt kind of weird at first. I got promoted to a full time position at Coach Alba so that became my first full time job. But then I decided to move to New Jersey and become a dance teacher. I would say that's one of my biggest decisions that I have ever made in my life. The other one probably would be the decision of moving to US. Funny though, both decisions took me like 10 minutes or so to make. I had contemplated the possibilities of doing those before, but the actual process of making a decision, like putting it on the table, talking to my parents, and saying yes. These all took place in less than 10 minutes. I am seldom a decisive person. Buying grocery can take me one hour or two, but I guess when it comes to life decisions, it seems easier for me.
I started became a professional on August 26. Since then, my whole world has changed. I became a more confident and assertive person and dancer. I met Tiago, Alexey, and Maranda, some of my best mentors in dancing. They have expectations in me, and they push me to be the best possible me, both in life and in dance. I will never forget my first couple days in Jersey. I cried on the phone with my mom on the first two nights, telling her that I didn't think I could do this. After the first day of work, my attitude changed, because these people are very supportive. They made this possible for me to stay. Now I've been to DWM for 4 months now. I'd say it's a real blessing to have these people in my life.
Working as a dance teacher is kind of interesting. There are a lot of untold stress. Others always think your job is easy and fun, but they often don't see the rest of the picture as well as we do. Being a dance teacher is like selling yourself, your time and health. Especially when you have injury. Every step you dance with your student is like counting down how many more steps you can take. But it's still fun to see my students enjoying movements and progressing. A lesson that I have learned from working as a dance teacher: time is limited. Time is the only thing that I can't afford to waste on people and other stuffs. When I have my time off, I really want to make sure I'm spending it in a way that I won't regret it. Goal for 2014? Maybe. I want to learn to have a life, but I'm not sure how to do it. We shall see :)
To me, 2013 is the year of change. I graduate from college (finally!!) and moved into the adulthood. First time ever in my life for not having any school. It felt kind of weird at first. I got promoted to a full time position at Coach Alba so that became my first full time job. But then I decided to move to New Jersey and become a dance teacher. I would say that's one of my biggest decisions that I have ever made in my life. The other one probably would be the decision of moving to US. Funny though, both decisions took me like 10 minutes or so to make. I had contemplated the possibilities of doing those before, but the actual process of making a decision, like putting it on the table, talking to my parents, and saying yes. These all took place in less than 10 minutes. I am seldom a decisive person. Buying grocery can take me one hour or two, but I guess when it comes to life decisions, it seems easier for me.
I started became a professional on August 26. Since then, my whole world has changed. I became a more confident and assertive person and dancer. I met Tiago, Alexey, and Maranda, some of my best mentors in dancing. They have expectations in me, and they push me to be the best possible me, both in life and in dance. I will never forget my first couple days in Jersey. I cried on the phone with my mom on the first two nights, telling her that I didn't think I could do this. After the first day of work, my attitude changed, because these people are very supportive. They made this possible for me to stay. Now I've been to DWM for 4 months now. I'd say it's a real blessing to have these people in my life.
Working as a dance teacher is kind of interesting. There are a lot of untold stress. Others always think your job is easy and fun, but they often don't see the rest of the picture as well as we do. Being a dance teacher is like selling yourself, your time and health. Especially when you have injury. Every step you dance with your student is like counting down how many more steps you can take. But it's still fun to see my students enjoying movements and progressing. A lesson that I have learned from working as a dance teacher: time is limited. Time is the only thing that I can't afford to waste on people and other stuffs. When I have my time off, I really want to make sure I'm spending it in a way that I won't regret it. Goal for 2014? Maybe. I want to learn to have a life, but I'm not sure how to do it. We shall see :)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
New Year Resolution!!
I can't believe it's been a year since I started this blog. Okay... a little over a year... So what is my new year resolution? If you know me enough by now, you'll be surprise if it has nothing to do with dance. No, my resolution is not become a better dancer, even though it's one of my goals for this year (or for life). My resolution is to become a more confident person. A good one, right? I'm really not confident, not in my dance, not in my personality, not in anything of me. The only thing I'm confident about is that I'm not confident. If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay because it makes sense in my head. Now you may ask how this relates to dance. Well... Since I'm really in touch with my inner world, the way I move basically shows how I feel inside. And EVERY SINGLE TEACHER has been telling me that I'm a beautiful dancer, but I just need more confidence. That's right! Because I don't believe I can do it, it shows in my dancing. You got the logic now? So what's the easiest way to change it? Of course it's from the very basic beginning, everyday of living. Yes I'm going to be a more confident person. How to become one? Who knows... I'll figure out along the way. :)
Monday, December 26, 2011
Ha ha ha! Best Christmas EVER!!!! Katie invited me over to her house for Christmas' Eve and Christmas! I like her house. It feels so cozy and home-like, even though my home is never like that. lol I like her family as well. Being with them feels like being with my family. How they talked to each other kind of like how my family talk to each other. Food and treats were great! In conclusion, best Christmas ever... And I'm helping them to do Chinese New Year. I'm excited!
Katie's family is starting a wedding planning business, and Katie and I decided that she's going to plan my wedding. My wedding color will be blue and purple. No receiving line. Have music and places to dance. Candy bar. Nice lunch/dinner with our immediate families and my bridesmaids. Haha good times! good times! Maybe I should pick out my dress too. :P Now, I am one of those girls who start to plan their weddings way beforehand. Maybe I should start looking for my potential groom (aka boyfriend) first.
Katie is getting her wisdom teeth out. Hope she'll do fine.
For Chinese New Year, I really want to make sure they can try 湯圓 and 蘿蔔糕. Maybe I will have to make both of them... Well that'll be bad because I never do it before. Maybe we could find some substitutes in the Asian market.
I should stop staying up that late everyday and start get ready for next semester. Night! :)
Katie's family is starting a wedding planning business, and Katie and I decided that she's going to plan my wedding. My wedding color will be blue and purple. No receiving line. Have music and places to dance. Candy bar. Nice lunch/dinner with our immediate families and my bridesmaids. Haha good times! good times! Maybe I should pick out my dress too. :P Now, I am one of those girls who start to plan their weddings way beforehand. Maybe I should start looking for my potential groom (aka boyfriend) first.
Katie is getting her wisdom teeth out. Hope she'll do fine.
For Chinese New Year, I really want to make sure they can try 湯圓 and 蘿蔔糕. Maybe I will have to make both of them... Well that'll be bad because I never do it before. Maybe we could find some substitutes in the Asian market.
I should stop staying up that late everyday and start get ready for next semester. Night! :)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Sometimes I wonder if I make the right decisions in my life. When I start to take over my life and make decisions myself, I seem to stray from my original plans further and further. Is that bad? Why things don't seem to go well? I feel like no one recognize the efforts that I have put in. Am I just suck at what I chose to do, and no matter how hard I work, I wouldn't get good enough to be recognized? Am I being practical? People who I love don't seem to understand why I want to dance. They try to lead me back to psychology, which I still love but not as much as ballroom. I can't see where the road is leading to.
And I know it's time to stop thinking when this thought comes up. So goodbye.
And I know it's time to stop thinking when this thought comes up. So goodbye.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
50 Things/Persons I'm grateful for...
Even though Thanksgiving season basically mean nothing for me, I'm still thankful for all the blessings that I've received. I decided to make a list of them for future reference. Everything is kind of not in order.
- Mommy: She gave birth to me. She feeds me. She comforts me. She's always there for me.
- Daddy: Even though he could be very annoying a lot of times, I know he is thinking about what's good for my future when I am not thinking about it at all. He always tries to help me achieve my dreams.
- YH: I've lived my whole life with him. He always put up with me. I owe him so much. If I could, I would give him a "My sister's keeper" award.
- Alice: One of my best friends from Hong Kong. The other one is Wing. For some reasons, all three of us have quite different personalities, but we bond together really well. Now we're separate into three places, but we still keep each other in our heart. They always get a spot in my heart.
- Wing: see above.
- Katie: She's probably my best friend here. I trust her, and she teaches that it's okay to be human.
- Yuri: He's taught me so many things about life that I don't even know how I should thank him
- James: He's my very first friend who has a connection to Asia (Korea). I know he probably will understand me more than other Americans sometimes because he knows the difference between the two cultures (hopefully).
- Rachel: She's the first one who introduced me to the social life here in US. I believe, if I remember correctly, she's the one who first called me out to hang out. She's been my friend since then. If not because of her, I probably will still be that quiet Asian girl who go to class and then leave at the end without saying a word.
- Sarah: She's on her mission now. I probably should write her more often. She's the first one who I feel safe that I can just go up and ask for a hug without being judged.
- Helen: She's the first one who told me that I helped them in their growth/self-development
- Tom: My first crush... lol Let's put it this way. Without him, I wouldn't be that motivated to work hard. I think I need to attribute part of my success right now to him.
- Cherie: that cheerful girl who is younger than me but still sprints faster than me
- Margaret: another girl who I am happy to see; We worked hard together
- Clinical psychology: I'm grateful that I got a chance to study clinical psychology really in depth. Even though I probably won't pursue a career in it, I know I can use my knowledge to help my family, my friends, and people around me.
- Ballroom dance: I would be surprised if I didn't put this one on my list. In simple word, it keeps me sane. It allows me to be myself. It challenges me to push to my limits. It teaches me what is beauty and art. It teaches me how to communicate and socialize with people.
- Gospel: The basic foundation of my values and beliefs. Without it, I would be a completely different person. It protects me from the negative attitudes and things outside, and it teaches me to be an example to people around me.
- Chocolate, cake, & sugar: They makes me happy :)
- Rhythm: Even though I have a hard time to learn musicality and feel frustrated about it, the world would be so boring without all these cool rhythm that makes you want to move.
- Health: Without a healthy body, I can't do what I love (aka hang out with family and friends, dance, go to school etc)
- Advanced technology: I can connect with my family and friends who are far away because of this.
- Lyrics that touch your heart: It feels good when you find a song that says what you wanted to say
- People who study medicine, dentistry, and difficult things like those: They sacrifice their time those fields so I know someone could fix me when I get hurt
- Uplifting songs: Nothing is better than listening to songs that smooths your heartaches
- Fall: I just love the fall colors, especially the colors here in Utah
- Snow flakes: They are pretty when they fall slowly from the sky
- Soft comforters and fluffy blankets: They are just so comfy :)
- Jewelry and pretty dresses: I love to play dress up
- Curling iron: I love curly hair ;)
- Make-up: Sometimes I love to look pretty
- Laughter: Laughing with family and friends, as well as seeing they laugh and smile make me feel happy
- Tears: If you can't feel sadness, you will never understand happiness
- Smiles that come from heart: It feels good to find them back again after you lost them for a while
- Lessons learned: They teach me how to grow and stay strong in the storm of life
- Dance in general: I love to move my body
- Guys in general: Even though they drive me crazy half of the time, they do make me feel good sometimes
- Arts: They make the world more prettier
- Crafts: One of my favorite pastimes
- Ice skating: It's kind of dangerous, especially with those crazy people in the rink. I probably wouldn't like it because it might injury me to the point that I can't dance, but I still like it.
- Different cultures: I love the diverse cultures, and the fact that we can still be friends despite our different backgrounds
- Solid food: Why would I not think about this earlier? I'm craving for solid food right now ;)
- Humor: I got to be thankful that I get a little bit of this because I look like a cute little chipmunk now. If I don't have humor, I probably will be grumpy and sad.
- The kind people in the world: I'm grateful for their love and care
- Self-discipline: I would attribute part of my success to the fact that I have pretty good self-control and won't settle down for immediate gratification
- Disney movies: I mean those older ones, those that I grew up with. I love fairy tales, even though mine is not quite a fairy tale.
- Prayers: Bottom few but it doesn't mean I'm less grateful about them. I feel Heavenly Father's love so much stronger when I am praying to him. A lot of times He has been waiting for me to ask for help so He can help.
- Atonement: I can be clean again because of it.
- Hymns and church songs: They're part of the uplifting songs, but I decided they should get their own category because they're more than just uplifting.
- Rhinestones: I love sparkly things.
- My body and spirit: Of course... Why would I almost forget them? They let me to be here on earth with my family and friends, and learn and grow with them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Except this post probably would have nothing to do with Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is not a Chinese holiday anyway, plus I couldn't eat anything. Let's not focus on it so I won't let my saliva drip onto my keyboard.
So I don't really have a partner now. Travis told me he wanted to dance with his fiancee the day after my last post. Then when i talked to Karl, he said depend on how his school load next semester and if he makes Gold II Latin next semester, he might or might not dance open Latin since that's not his major focus anyway. I asked Jordan if he wanted to do open ballroom, but he said he didn't have time. He is putting a lot of time in Latin. Well of course, I asked him because he's one of the very dedicated dancers and without a ballroom partner. I'm kind of tired with lazy partner right now, and I don't know who I should ask. Maybe I'll just practice and polish my technique, and then we'll see what happen next semester. I might just ask people from my classes.
I realized asking people to be your partner takes courage, and you need to be very shameless and guilt-free. If someone refuse you, just move on. Don't take it personally.
It's getting closer to the end of the semester. Besides all my finals, I have 3 more papers, plus all the endless tests in my dance classes. Don't get me wrong! I love my dance classes, but I just have tested so many times that I realized that I couldn't cram for those classes at all. That probably made me less nervous when dance tests get close because there's nothing I can do.
Gonna come back again... Nap time for me...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So why did I need to take a nap? Well I got 8 teeth, exactly 1/4 of all the adult teeth, pulled yesterday morning. I slept really well yesterday when the anesthetic still hadn't gone away, but then I couldn't sleep at night. I tried to control the bleeding of the extraction sites by sleeping in a sitting position, almost. It didn't work very well. I woke up at 6a, had some applesauce, and then I had my antibiotics etc. Then I iced my cheeks for like 3 hours so the holes wouldn't bleed that crazy. It kind of worked. Now they might ooze a little bit here and there, but not enough to look like I would die soon.
This time was a really interesting experience. My visiting teachers, home teachers, and nursery leader fought for the chance to give me ride and make sure I have soft food at home etc. Sister Jewett brought me pretty flowers. Sister Dabb dropped me off at the surgeon's office and asked if I wanted her to stay the whole time. I politely refused because I was afraid that I would start crying if she did. For some reasons, I wasn't scared about the operation till an hour before that. I got really anxious and scared. I felt really alone, even though I knew I got a lot of support from my family and friends. And when I am on the edge of crying, I can't stop my tears if someone starts being kind to me. Their kind words and acts will touch this softest part of my heart, and then my tears will just keep running out. Therefore, I'm kind of glad that I didn't let Sister Dabb stayed. I think I learned to be so independent that I only dare to let several people know my fears and tears.
A week or two ago, I was talking with my family, and we kind of talked/joked/chatted about future of all us children (my brother and I). My mom kind of joked that I wasn't always listening to her advise because I decided not to go to graduate school. She said she always thought I should get at least a Master's degree so I could have a future of some sort. I wasn't that happy to hear that at the moment. Later, I cried when I thought about it even more. It hurt when people you love and respect so dearly do not approve what you love and feel passionate about. My mom still thinks I should not choose ballroom as my career, but at least she understands my passion. I don't know why I feel so sad about this though. Anyway, I did start to reconsider my future plans again. I started looking into a Dance/Movement Therapy MA degree. I don't think I would want to go for a PhD degree at all. If I actually want to go back to psychology graduate programs, my option will be either DMT or sport psychology, which BYU offers none of them. That means I would have to stay at BYU till Fall 2013 by the earliest, and then go to other states and study for a few more years. I don't know what I would choose right now, but I think I'm a little bit sick of school (mostly papers, readings, and exams). And maybe mom won't be that disapprove about me dating him. Oh well... life is so complicated...
So I don't really have a partner now. Travis told me he wanted to dance with his fiancee the day after my last post. Then when i talked to Karl, he said depend on how his school load next semester and if he makes Gold II Latin next semester, he might or might not dance open Latin since that's not his major focus anyway. I asked Jordan if he wanted to do open ballroom, but he said he didn't have time. He is putting a lot of time in Latin. Well of course, I asked him because he's one of the very dedicated dancers and without a ballroom partner. I'm kind of tired with lazy partner right now, and I don't know who I should ask. Maybe I'll just practice and polish my technique, and then we'll see what happen next semester. I might just ask people from my classes.
I realized asking people to be your partner takes courage, and you need to be very shameless and guilt-free. If someone refuse you, just move on. Don't take it personally.
It's getting closer to the end of the semester. Besides all my finals, I have 3 more papers, plus all the endless tests in my dance classes. Don't get me wrong! I love my dance classes, but I just have tested so many times that I realized that I couldn't cram for those classes at all. That probably made me less nervous when dance tests get close because there's nothing I can do.
Gonna come back again... Nap time for me...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So why did I need to take a nap? Well I got 8 teeth, exactly 1/4 of all the adult teeth, pulled yesterday morning. I slept really well yesterday when the anesthetic still hadn't gone away, but then I couldn't sleep at night. I tried to control the bleeding of the extraction sites by sleeping in a sitting position, almost. It didn't work very well. I woke up at 6a, had some applesauce, and then I had my antibiotics etc. Then I iced my cheeks for like 3 hours so the holes wouldn't bleed that crazy. It kind of worked. Now they might ooze a little bit here and there, but not enough to look like I would die soon.
This time was a really interesting experience. My visiting teachers, home teachers, and nursery leader fought for the chance to give me ride and make sure I have soft food at home etc. Sister Jewett brought me pretty flowers. Sister Dabb dropped me off at the surgeon's office and asked if I wanted her to stay the whole time. I politely refused because I was afraid that I would start crying if she did. For some reasons, I wasn't scared about the operation till an hour before that. I got really anxious and scared. I felt really alone, even though I knew I got a lot of support from my family and friends. And when I am on the edge of crying, I can't stop my tears if someone starts being kind to me. Their kind words and acts will touch this softest part of my heart, and then my tears will just keep running out. Therefore, I'm kind of glad that I didn't let Sister Dabb stayed. I think I learned to be so independent that I only dare to let several people know my fears and tears.
A week or two ago, I was talking with my family, and we kind of talked/joked/chatted about future of all us children (my brother and I). My mom kind of joked that I wasn't always listening to her advise because I decided not to go to graduate school. She said she always thought I should get at least a Master's degree so I could have a future of some sort. I wasn't that happy to hear that at the moment. Later, I cried when I thought about it even more. It hurt when people you love and respect so dearly do not approve what you love and feel passionate about. My mom still thinks I should not choose ballroom as my career, but at least she understands my passion. I don't know why I feel so sad about this though. Anyway, I did start to reconsider my future plans again. I started looking into a Dance/Movement Therapy MA degree. I don't think I would want to go for a PhD degree at all. If I actually want to go back to psychology graduate programs, my option will be either DMT or sport psychology, which BYU offers none of them. That means I would have to stay at BYU till Fall 2013 by the earliest, and then go to other states and study for a few more years. I don't know what I would choose right now, but I think I'm a little bit sick of school (mostly papers, readings, and exams). And maybe mom won't be that disapprove about me dating him. Oh well... life is so complicated...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Did a lot of things happen last week? Maybe...
I'm so ticked off by my partner. I think I'm going to find a new one. I just can't stand the way he treats our practice. He probably doesn't even know it, or maybe he isn't planning to dance with me neither. Who knows? Anyways, he has to pay the cost.
Dancesport was fun. I'm pretty satisfied with my performance this weekend. I worked hard, and I think it paid off. Now I just need to work harder.
And I forgot what I was going to blog about...
Maybe I was going to write about him. I think I saw him on Saturday afternoon, but then I lost him when I was trying to find him again.
I think I love Latin quite a lot. Actually I love all styles of ballroom. Anyways, I love Latin because I can flirt with guys without getting into trouble or committing into anything. lol I think something is wearing away my trust in guys. There is a guy that I have loved with my heart, but I don't dare to give in at all. I don't feel secure. I can't feel I'm special to him at all. There are a bunch of guys that I think they're cute/funny, but I don't want to take any first steps any more.
Still forget what I was going to say...
I'm so ticked off by my partner. I think I'm going to find a new one. I just can't stand the way he treats our practice. He probably doesn't even know it, or maybe he isn't planning to dance with me neither. Who knows? Anyways, he has to pay the cost.
Dancesport was fun. I'm pretty satisfied with my performance this weekend. I worked hard, and I think it paid off. Now I just need to work harder.
And I forgot what I was going to blog about...
Maybe I was going to write about him. I think I saw him on Saturday afternoon, but then I lost him when I was trying to find him again.
I think I love Latin quite a lot. Actually I love all styles of ballroom. Anyways, I love Latin because I can flirt with guys without getting into trouble or committing into anything. lol I think something is wearing away my trust in guys. There is a guy that I have loved with my heart, but I don't dare to give in at all. I don't feel secure. I can't feel I'm special to him at all. There are a bunch of guys that I think they're cute/funny, but I don't want to take any first steps any more.
Still forget what I was going to say...
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